Conversations with the self: on self love
...on self love
Today once again I have awoken at 3am. Typically, this for me is a call to meditation. So in my usual fashion I sat up in bed assumed a comfortable posture, closed my eyes ready to drift off into other realms.
I am still mastering this art since meditation requires you to have focus while at the same time releasing it. A paradox I haven't quite come to grips with. Focus as a word and as a concept, used in any context is not my strong point. Nonetheless I persist because the rewards are great.
When I am successful, it is usually indicated by the fact that I have sat there for what felt like a moment, only to realise that an hour had passed by completely effortlessly. I sometimes feel a sense of release from myself, a sort of detachment that in that moment feels light and freeing. It is as though the self I feel I am without all the weight of the world being strapped to me has once again been momentarily liberated. Sometimes there are bright flashes like that of a light house guiding me in, or some kind of morse code speaking to my subconscious. Sometimes these are mere moments like those very flashes of light, but they are profound and usually bring with them showers of inspiration, insight and wisdom that I had not been privy to before.
Today was no exception. I sat for what seemed like an instant before the insights began to flood my thoughts.
It’s no secret that I have spent the past years healing all kinds of childhood and beyond, wounds and traumas. I have encountered many life lessons along the way, the most important of which was that of self love.
Today’s was a small but incredibly profound insight that went something like this. If we look deep inside of us we might find that we are always looking for love outside of ourselves. This is not limited to romantic love but rather anything that might offer us a sense of validation and increased self worth. We are in fact conditioned in this way pretty much from the moment we leave the safety of the womb. We are trained from our earliest moments that we must perform certain tricks to gain the favour of others, and here is where the construction of the ego begins. The self that we feel we are inside being pushed into submission by the self we must present to the world in what seems like a perpetual fight for survival. Now I am no enemy of the ego. It is our friend when it is not allowed to rule us and this is where our work begins.
Learning to separate the true self from the ego self is paramount and is the key to finding our authenticity, helping us to muster the courage to face our shadows and to be frank and honest with ourselves. Then we must learn to give ourselves the love that we need, want and seek to find in others. The reward from this is a feeling of wholeness which puts us in much better stead for receiving this love from someone else.
Give yourself the love that deep down you know you deserve and you will no longer seek validation or feel the need to coax sympathy from others. Even something as innocent sounding as 'sympathy' can be selfish because in asking for it we are asking someone else to feel negative emotions that are not theirs to feel. At the same time if these are offered to us freely we must recognise them for the gift that they are and that we are worthy of. The expressions of the love that we feel for ourselves are being mirrored back to us in these moments through the actions of others. A force that nurtures both the giver and receiver. And so it is in love.
Love yourself and others will mirror that love back to you in ways you could never have imagined.
With much love
Basia
