Soulmates, karmics and twin flames
Tonight I find myself feeling a deep sense of love and gratitude towards my ex husband. Not in a romantic sense but rather in an overwhelmingly all encompassing, joyous, isn’t this world magical kind of way.
As I stood observing him interacting with our daughter tonight, happily joking around together, at times joining in the banter myself, I basked in the warmth of that moment.
As I retreated from their presence I began to once again think about the role my ex played in my life. I have been exploring in recent months the concept of Karmic partners, soul mates and twin flames.
The purpose of these karmic and soulmate relationships of any kind, be it romantic, friendships, parental or just brief encounters seems to be to teach us lessons that we elected to learn in this lifetime before we come into it. Karmics are the hardest relationships and soulmates are a softer teacher and twin flames are our mirror, helping us to realise our true nature. It was tonight that I realised for sure that my ex was in fact a karmic soulmate.
I know this now because though our relationship felt safe, loyal and committed on many levels, it was also incredibly tumultuous. The nature of it was such that no matter how painful it was to be in, I couldn’t leave it for all those years until something within me changed and then it was like the snap of the fingers.
Before this despite often wanting and threatening to leave, I was not able to, feeling always drawn to stay by something bigger than myself. Little did I know at this time that it was my higher self telling me that the lessons I needed to learn had not yet been learnt from this relationship. I know that had I been able to move on I just would have ended up in the same situation with someone else. Something inside of me had to change first, and when it did and that final confrontation ensued, I felt a calmness and resolve that was unshakeable.
The thing that made it difficult to leave this relationship before I finally gained the clarity I needed, was that it felt predestined. I felt such a strong familiarity on our first meeting that my ego, trying to grapple with the strength of the connection mistook it for a vision of the future rather than a past life connection which is also just another way of the ego trying to make sense of a connection that seems otherworldly. Though I was not familiar with the concept at the time I was entangled in a false twin flame dynamic. Not only did this help to keep me in place, convinced that it was meant to be, but it is a huge part of the reason why I know that we were in fact karmic soulmates.
In the past I had always considered myself to be weak and it wasn’t until sometime into my spiritual growth journey that I realised just how strong I actually had been to get through the things I had experienced in my life. Some of the karmic lessons I had come to experience in my marriage were incredibly tough and it was this that made me so thankful to my ex for coming into this life as my soulmate, because he was, despite being also the karmic to serve up many of my lessons, the one who would let me land softly every time. He was, for me ironically, a source not only of my torment but of safety and stability while I persevered on the spiritual quest that for much of our marriage I did not realise I was on. I have wondered at times what it would have been like to go through my awakening if I had not had a soulmate by my side. With purely a karmic partner it may have been quicker but no doubt more brutal and though I know that I am strong there were times that I needed a safety net and he was it. The lessons were long, slow and exhausting but in the end effective.
There is an air of toxicity to this dynamic, I know, but that is exactly what so many of us go through in our relationships. We leave at different times, in different ways and for different reasons. What made me finally let go was that I had learnt the lessons that this relationship was trying to teach me and when I did there was no longer the need or the desire to go back like in all the times before. Not only did I not desire to return to that relationship but to any other that resembled it. I had a new understanding of myself, of everything that I had gone through and why and how I needed to move forward in my life. This is by no means a recipe to follow for anyone reading, nor do I suggest that anyone should remain in a toxic relationship. Everyones journey is their own and each of us must decide our own path to take, but I hope that it can be a message of hope to those who suffer in their lives, that there is always hope and that from even the greatest of life’s struggles we can emerge triumphant.
xx Much love Basia
